For as long as I can remember I have always wanted to be a mom. I’ve always dreamed of having a large family. Then when getting pregnant wasn’t happening for us I started questioning my dreams wondering if they would ever be a reality. Then came the answer to our biggest prayer, a complete miracle and dream come true; Lily Rose. She is amazing and wonderful I can hardly remember life without her. I really want her to have a sibling. I wish I could say that experiencing all that happened surrounding the circumstances in which God brought Lily to us gave me a super human faith and I don’t ever worry about or wonder how and when we will have more children but it didn’t. It is something I am thinking about more and more these days. I think in the back of my mind I just thought that I would finally get pregnant after we adopted. I’m sure you’ve heard about many couples getting pregnant immediately after they adopt and “stop trying.”
Side Note: Let me just say if anyone out there has adopted I’m sure you have heard this from someone along your journey; (or perhaps you’ve said something like this to an adopting couple) you have announced you are going to adopt and someone says to you “you know you’ll probably end up getting pregnant after you adopt” and yes that does happen, but it doesn’t happen for everyone.
These comments can be tough for an adopting couple to hear and those ideas can begin to mess with your thoughts. First, it kinda makes you question “Am I adopting just so I can get pregnant?” Secondly, you may begin to find yourself wondering “once I adopt am I just secretly waiting to receive that positive pregnancy test? Then what if I never get pregnant after adoption? You start the questions all over again “why am I not getting pregnant while so many others around me have. What’s wrong with me? Why does it seem to happen so easily for others? Is it because I’m not doing a good job with the one child God has given me? All this to say please choose your words carefully to anyone you know that is going through any kind of infertility/adoption/fostering. When in doubt just validate their feelings. Tell them you are sorry for their pain and let them know you support them. Those words mean more than you’ll ever know.
Once we had Lily I didn’t think at all about adding to our family in the beginning. We had our child, an amazing tiny baby girl, a complete miracle. I was trying to adjust to motherhood and all the new feelings and emotions that come with it. That desire to get pregnant had vanished. However, the closer we got to her first birthday I started thinking about having more children again. I’m not entirely sure where it came from but I’m guessing all the posts I see on social media of everyone’s growing families had something to do with it. Suddenly I started to feel this uncomfortable pressure like we better figure out what’s next for us. Also, it was always so important to me that when we did have kids that they were close enough in age to enjoy each others company and be best buddies. Sometimes it really hits me and it’s hard to think about the fact that we can’t just decide to have another baby tomorrow. For others it happens “by accident” or they can plan out the entire process and literally pick the time of year they want to be pregnant. Our family planning means talking to lawyers, adoption agencies and hoping and praying that a birth mom picks us. Or on the other hand do we go through the pain and uncertainty of fostering. I’m not sure my heart could handle that. (and God bless those moms and dads who do that so well) I can’t help but think of the the things that could go wrong with either option. With all of that being said. I’m learning to embrace our story the absolute beauty of Adoption and whoever God has created for us.
We are praying and waiting for God to let us know what our next step is in growing our family. I am nervous and excited to see where, when, and how we will bring home our next miracle!
For those of you out there struggling, wondering, and hoping to grow your family, I understand and know how you feel. But more importantly God is right there along side of you. He is walking with you every step of your journey.
This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls