Matt and I feel like we are in a dream unfortunately it’s a nightmare. It still doesn’t feel real and our reality hits me at different times. I have not been looking forward to this moment and having to share this news for a second time this year. But because of circumstances out of our control we will no longer be bringing a sweet baby girl home this week. Without going into too much detail, we were the targets/victims of adoption fraud and what we have heard is the birth mom was receiving support from multiple families, which is a felony. She knew what we went through earlier this year and looked us in the eyes several times and said “I will not change my mind, I would never do that to you guys” and we believed her, supported her, and gave so much time, money and love to her. Again with the last adoption we prayed, believed in faith and prepared for this little girl like she was already ours.
Things don’t always happen the way you want them to and it is really hard when they don’t. We live in a broken world with broken people I am more aware of this than any other time in my life. I’m not going to sugar coat it, this one has really thrown us and it really hurts. Thankfully I have been able to hold it together when Lily is awake. When she is up life has not changed for her and luckily God has given me the strength not to lose it in front of her. She has such a happy heart and is so smart. I freaked out a little bit about what to tell her since she thinks her baby sister is coming soon. Matt had the best answer “Baby sister isn’t ready to come home yet”. I am so thankful for his wisdom.
And then there’s…GOD, his love and provision over our lives and hearts remains, it remains our constant source of strength, our ever present help in trouble, and this is trouble. Trouble in our hearts, minds and ideas of what should happen, what could of happened, what didn’t happen.
There are so many questions we both have and we might not ever get the answers to them. Nothing feels ok about right now and I don’t know when or if it ever will, but HE knows and that is enough for me. He had a plan for us and that sweet baby girl. We pray the family that did take home, what we thought was our baby girl, will love her and care for her as we would have.
In the last couple of days I have totally questioned how much I have shared of our journey but then I was reminded that this is real life and we are real people with real highs and real lows. This blog and my Instagram are not just a highlight reel of all the best moments in my life. It’s a reality reel and reality is life isn’t perfect but we serve a God that is perfect! Our constant hope and prayer from the beginning of our adoption journey was that God would be glorified. He is a good, good Father regardless of the outcome.
After we got the news and I was able to calm down there were some truths that came into my heart and mind. I wanted to share them with you because they hold the power of life and hope in whatever you are going through.
“But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by the long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit. The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is? But I, the Lord, search all hearts and examine secret motives. I give all people their due rewards, according to what their actions deserve.” Jeremiah 17:7-10
He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and unjust alike. Matthew 5:45
If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. James 1:5-6