Our journey to parenthood has been a long and painful one. There are many reasons I haven’t wanted to share up until now. However my perspective has changed and now I can’t imagine not sharing. So here I go; my attempt at sharing this amazing journey.
For years Matt and I have wanted children. We have celebrated with family and friends who have become pregnant, adopted and seemed to progress in their life while all the while we sat wondering why not us? It felt like God had forgotten us.
While struggling with the inability (I hate the word infertility) to have kids I also happened to be working at a pregnancy center. I counseled women facing unplanned pregnancies, and helped with post abortion counseling. My heart broke as I saw women hurt by abortion and I was honored to rejoice with them to see a mighty God heal their hurt and transform their sorrow into joy. It was rewarding to help others but at the same time very difficult to be constantly surrounded by pregnant women.
I don’t know why God used me to help minister to women facing the trauma and pain of abortion but as he has so clearly spoken to me “does the clay say to the potter what are you making” Isaiah 45:9. The idea of sharing
our struggle seemed scary and weird…until now. Within the last year, we have felt a stirring for something more to step out of our comfort zone, for direction and guidance on what to do with this desire to become parents. Then some pretty amazing things started to happen.
- I read Start by Jon Acuff (life changing, go buy it now)…
I read it with the intention it would help my wedding planning business get off
the ground, all the while it gave me a new fresh perspective on my desire to be
a mom and for Matt and I to be parents.
- I shared my story in front of a group of women at a
retreat. I was terrified and scared and didn’t want to share but there was
no getting out of this one. The topic of the retreat was sharing the beauty of
your story and how God has worked in you. When I shared an amazing release
- A new message series at our church started called
“Invisible”. This invisible series was all about being grateful and learning to have
appreciation for the things we can’t see God doing.
- Anchored Living, a new business inspired by our dream to
become parents was created.
Matt and I now see God has been preparing us for adoption all this time. We love adoption, we have always wanted to adopt but thought it would come after we had our miracle and I had experienced pregnancy. You know, we would adopt after this perfect little baby came into our lives and after things went exactly like we had dreamed they would. Can anyone else relate to life not going how you imagined it?!
We never felt released before to adopt or go through infertility treatments. We continued to wait on God which was the hardest and most rewarding thing we have ever done while all the while God was waiting on us. He was waiting for our place of surrender to him. He has already begun to overwhelm us with guidance and provision since we have started the adoption process.
Our hope in sharing our stories is that it encourages you in the moments whenyou feel forgotten and discouraged because let me tell you I have been there and it stinks. Well, we are here to let you know God sees you, he hears you,
and loves you.
Ashley and I were married 11 years ago. Even when we were dating Ashley was very clear she wanted a large family. I wasn’t opposed to the idea of a large family but it was clear from the beginning she had already envisioned
trading in the Saleen Mustang for a mini-van even before we had returned from our honeymoon.
When you are married as young as we were you aren’t really thinking about growing a family right away. However, as 3, 4, and 5 years pass it starts to weigh on your mind. It was clear after spending half a decade married to the woman of my dreams that being a mother was one of the deepest and strongest desires of her heart. As a husband there isn’t anything you want more than to make your wife happy and give her everything she could ever want. It became increasingly difficult to wrap my mind around the fact that I had not been able to give my wife the ONE thing she seemed to want more than anything else. This was a different thing to deal with… It wasn’t like a house, or a car, that I could work hard for and do whatever it took to provide. This was something that I seemingly had little or no control over and as a typical man who always wants to fix everything it was very humbling to come to the realization that this was something I couldn’t easily change.
Being self-employed for the last 10 years has allowed Ashley and I to learn what it means to rely on the provision of God to continually meet our needs. We’ve been through both tough and plentiful times but through it all have been able to recognize God at work. However, waiting on God in the area of children proved much more difficult. Leading up to this point there were times where we felt alone or forgotten but of course God was busy at work even when it was invisible to us. This journey has been a great reminder that sometimes we can only see our present circumstances and we can’t easily see things from the big picture perspective. We are excited about the next chapter in this journey and look forward to sharing our experience with others.